After
by NinjaMonster
Summary: The twenty four hours after the Agni Kai from Iroh's point of view. Long, but I like it better than anything else on this page.


After

I looked away.

The sound was enough. And although my eyes were closed and my head was turned, a bright flash illuminated the blackness to grey and orange. A scream pierced my heart. And I thought him dead.

I knew the old ritual end to an Agni Kai. And I knew my brother. He would never be one to balk from old outdated traditions when it aided him. Agni Kais had stopped being ended like this for many decades. But somehow I had hoped he would not do it just this once. His own son…

I opened my eyes. There was no way Zuko could have survived my brother's fury. If he did, he would probably lose his nose or his eyes. Ozai was nowhere to be seen on the raised dueling platform. He had likely retreated to some small throne room. Zuko lay motionless on the ground, curled into a grotesque form. The people around me seemed to move as though they were underwater. I heard a man whom I had heard called Zhao behind me snort in disapproval. I needed to run to my nephew, to see if he was even alive. But I couldn't move. I stood rooted to the spot by pure horror. Zuko was Ozai's firstborn child. In front of me I saw his secondborn. She was the only one who did not seem to move in slow motion. On the contrary. A grin glowed onto her face as she sprightly pushed her way through the crowd. The sight stirred me to action. I looked back up to Zuko. Some healers were moving his body onto a stretcher. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. I knew I could not go to him until he left the area. It would be dishonorable for both of us. They carried him out a door in a far corner. The colossal crowd, which had been muttering and stirring, began to leave. The spectacle was over. But for my nephew, the ordeal had only begun

I went quickly through the dimly lit halls. The healing ward was nearby. Right, then left, another take, take the middle way in the fork and the third door is for critical patients or surgery. I opened the door, although part of me did not want to see what was beyond it. It was easy to find my nephew. Nearly every healer there was running around him. Some were carrying wet towels; others had more sinister instruments that worried me. In fact, upon further inspection, there were no other patients in this ward. I quietly approached. The head healer was a man I had talked to on occasion. He was a tall, willowy sort of fellow with very small eyes that still held much wisdom and power. "Ghizu", I quietly called to get his attention. He looked up, startled. The many windows in the area allowed a blood-red sunset to frame his expression of desperation, for just a moment. "What do you want, Iroh?" "I-I want to know how Zuko is doing. Will he live?" I had never stuttered before in my life. Ghizu's expression melted into a more relieved one, still lined with worry. "Oh. I thought the Fire Lord would have wanted him to have to heal on his own without our help, or some madness like that. Honestly, we didn't expect any visitors for him. And certainly not so soon." There was a terrible silence in which he searched for words and I searched for hope. "Nothing is certain. But if he remains strong, he will live. I don't think he'll ever be able to see with his left eye again, or use that ear. I mouthed thanks to the Spirits. I could tell from Ghizu's tone that I would have to leave the healers to their work. But I drew forward to see how bad the damage was. I drew in a sharp breath. His left eye was not even visible. Much of his hair was gone, singed off, and the healers had quickly shaved off a large portion of it so they could work more freely. The skin was black and peeling. The ear appeared a twisted knob rather than an ear. Ozai had definitely not held back this time. I looked away, and took a seat on a small red chair near the door of the ward. A man came through to light the torches on the walls, as the brilliant sunset faded to a cold starless night. I folded my hands within my robes, and waited.

A much calmer room swam into view as I was gently shaken. "Iroh. Iroh, are you awake?" I straightened up, realizing I had fallen asleep. "Yes, Ghizu." I rose. "Thank you for letting me stay. I see you appear to be done any work on him for the moment?" Ghizu sighed. "Yes. We grafted some skin from other parts of his body onto his face. The scar will be bad. Very bad. But he might be able to see again. I'm not sure how the ear will turn out. We decided not to amputate it. We don't know what the extent of the damage to internal structures is. He's not conscious yet, and although we did all we could to get him to swallow some medicine, I'm sure he's still in the worst kind of pain he's ever known. Now we're going to let him rest and see what his condition is at daybreak." I nodded. Ghizu didn't become Head Healer for nothing. I knew he had given my nephew the highest care he could receive.

I walked to one of the windows. The sky was inky, with swirls of cloud and half a pearly moon peeking out. Torches could be seen lighting several courtyards on the ground outside. The ward was placed to have a beautiful view so the patients could have distraction. It was even better during the day. Then again, in the Fire Nation most things were. Judging from the moon, it was long past midnight. I turned back to Ghizu. Bowing, I said "Thank you for taking care of my nephew." "Oh, no, really, I'm glad to do anything I can to help others!" he replied, hastily bowing and smiling. He looked very uncomfortable for a moment and shifted his weight. "Iroh… no one really needs to hear what I said earlier, assuming Fire Lord Ozai would commit some kind of lunacy as his son not receiving medical treatment. I don't know what I was thinking, saying that. It was wrong of me to doubt our Fire Lord's moral stance. It just wouldn't do for that kind of comment to be repeated." He looked up and our eyes met and held for a very long time. We both understood that Ozai was more than capable of such a feat. But to say so would be suicidal. "Of course not," I replied. Ghizu bowed and yawned, not out of rudeness but necessity. "I think I will retire for the night. My room is at the end of a short hallway behind that curtain. I'm a light sleeper, so if you nee me just call. There should be other healers in nearby rooms to keep an eye on your nephew once I am asleep. It's been a long day. Do you plan on retiring?" I sighed inwardly. I was hungry, but contrary to popular belief, food was not my primary thought. "I plan on staying here a while longer," I replied.

Ghizu and I bowed once more, ceremoniously, and he left the room. There was one other healer making beds at the far end of the room. I walked over to my nephew's bedside. The burn had been made significantly smaller with a little network of grafted skin. However the burn was still very bad, and quite noticeable. The charred skin had been largely cleared away, and instead angry red shining flesh was seen peeking out from under poultices covered in some kind of herbal cream. The half of his head not covered by this was drenched in sweat. His fists clenched convulsively, and his breathing was irregular and fitful. There was a washcloth soaking in some water on a bedside table. I pulled up a chair and wrung out the cloth. I began to mop the sweat off his forehead.

The clean plain white sheets seemed incongruous. His ponytail was in miserable disarray, now missing half his hair. Although someone had removed the armbands, he was still wearing his ritual pants form the Agni Kai. There was dust on the kneecaps from where he had knelt. I looked at his face. Most of the tears had been washed away by the healers, or now were mixed with sweat. But purely in the literal sense. For some reason, it was then that it struck me how similar Zuko and I really were. We both knew what very few have to know of very deep and very public humiliation. Humiliation. So much more than embarrassment that can be laughed off. Humiliation is what happens when a single event, a single moment becomes all you are known for. Your identity becomes the humiliation. A permanent mark on your honor. Identity is how you see yourself; honor is how others see you. Dishonor is a contagious disease where just being around a dishonored man can cause shame. Misery not only loves company, but misery needs company. So miserable company is the only kind dishonored men know. I only hoped that Zuko would learn as I did, the value of humility. Humility and Humiliation, So different and so alike. The only real difference being that humility is self-inflicted. And because of that, instead of being lowered, the subject is raised higher than the clouds. Self-discipline. A key principle of firebending that my nephew had not yet mastered. Humility would be hardest for him, a prince. And of course, humility is doubly hard for the humiliated. Illogical how the only way up is down. I smiled a small smile.

Suddenly, Zuko sucked in a gulp of air through his teeth. His bare chest heaved and he began sweating again. I could see his temples pounding. He gasped for air, and his hand contracted into a fist, his nails digging far into his palms. I dropped the sweat-drenched washcloth back into the basin and grabbed my nephew's hand. I gently pried his fingers out from bruising his wrists. They still twitched to return to that position, so I began gently stroking his hand. It slowly unclenched into a relaxed position. I kept holding his hand. Anger surged through me. All this horrible pain was unnecessary. Ozai. He had done this to his son. He had nearly blinded, nearly killed his own son. How could he treat Zuko like this? I tried not to, but moment like this made me think of Lu Ten. I would have done anything to spend one more hour with my son. I loved him so much it hurt. And then Ozai had a son who loved him no less. But Ozai, high and mighty Ozai, dearest younger brother Ozai was above such petty emotions. Zuko was "weak". So then, Ozai, love is weak? No wonder the Siege of Ba Sing Se was unsuccessful. At least I had happy memories of my son. True, they hurt now. But that bitterness came from the sweetness. My nephew had none. His father never loved him, never would love him. It broke my heart to hear me even think this. But it was true. His father would not mind seeing him killed and would not mind being the one to do it.

Mildly surprised, I found a tear had worked its way into my eye. I wiped it away. Zuko's breathing had become more regular and he made some kind of noise from his mouth. His right eye fluttered. "Don't try to open it," I softly said, unaware if he could even hear me. "You won't be able to, it's covered in poultices." I didn't want to give him too much information, or scare him. He seemed to be conscious. Maybe he was better unconscious. Now the pain seemed to be really affecting him. He breathed loudly, and it sounded forced. He was trying to say something, but it didn't seem he could get the words out. "Un-cle," he said after trying very hard. "I'm s-orry I spo-ke" Shocked that he would use up so much effort just to say that, I started to tell him not to worry and then stopped. He had meant sorry as a regret, not an apology. "Prince Zuko, all you need to worry about is resting. You have not met any of the healers here, but I have and you can trust them. Do not think too hard. Just try and sleep. I'm going to go rest now. I've been here for some time. I'll be back later today. It should be dawn soon. When I return, I hope you will be feeling better. Stay strong." I let go of his hand and walked towards the hallway I had come in. I turned around to look at him one last time. I could tell he was trying to stabilize his breathing. I hoped that I had been right in telling him he had nothing more to worry about.

After the long walk back to my room, I slept until after midday. When the sun had just started to turn westward, I woke and dressed. I was too eager to see how Zuko's condition had changed to sleep long or well. Making all the turns and twists through the palace, I finally came to his room. Zuko was eating his midday meal, sitting up in bed. The effort seemed to be consuming him. Ghizu was nowhere to be seen. But I didn't need Ghizu to tell me that Zuko was doing very well. His left eye was still covered as was half his face. He had been cleaned up considerably. Someone had kindly shaved off more of his hair so that an outsider might guess that it was just an eccentric hairstyle rather than a surgical necessity. Standing in the doorway, it was odd to see my nephew's face covered in all the medical devices. I think it was only then that I realized I would never see Zuko's face the way it had been before again. I would need to get used to this asymmetry. A few other healers puttered around. I walked up to his bed. He turned one eye towards me. So Uncle, you finally decided to get up?" My nephew had never been one for humour, so it was a relief to see him trying to make the best of current situations. Even if for a moment. "Why yes I did, Prince Zuko. How are you doing this morning?" "Better than last night," he responded. "Well, I am sure you will get better. You seem to be mending beautifully." "It doesn't hurt as much anymore. The pain is still there, but it's duller. And there are parts I can't even feel." He paused. "I don't know," he concluded.

"Well," I began cheerfully, "You can eat on your own now, which would be the most important thing for me! And the worst is over now. You are healing, and will be better soon. At least nothing important was harmed. You're able to walk." He retorted, "Oh, and I suppose my face isn't important?" I laughed. I couldn't help it, I was just so glad to have him alive and surly as usual. "I don't think you'd be laughing if you were in my position, Uncle." "No, you're right," I said through the last of my giggles, "But you're doing so well, I can't help but be happy! If you had seen yourself yesterday, you'd be pleased too!" Zuko simply stared at me for a long time. I couldn't read his expression. Finally he said in a small voice, "Thank you for coming last night. I mean, I guessed Father and Zula wouldn't come. Have…have you seen any of them since yesterday?" I then realized Zuko's face showed no emotion because the cost of emotion was excruciating pain to his face. The irony of that thought sank in.

"No, I have not seen them," I answered, "I came here straight away when you were carried off." "Oh. I don't remember that." "Well, maybe it would be better if we didn't talk about it. It's over now and things can return back to normal once you heal. Tell you what, I'll let you finish you meal, give you some more time to rest and I'll come back, say, around sunset. How does that sound?" "Yes, Uncle, that sounds good." As I walked to the door, I looked back. Eating and talking must have been very painful to him. I was glad to see that he was trying his hardest to return back to normal functions. I sighed happily. I had thought this whole thing would be a lot worse. But sometimes I forget just how stubborn my nephew is. I left the ward to loiter around until sunset. Really, I had given that time because I could tell he needed the rest, not because I had better things to do. So I went off to maybe bond with some turtle ducks

As the sun lowered, I began to walk back from an entirely fruitless afternoon. No matter. I entered the wing, which had an unprecedented aura of peace and relief. I saw Zuko, now moved to a bed near the window. And there was Ghizu on the other side of the room. He walked over to me smiling. "I won't take up your time," he said, "but you can tell he's doing very well. The scar will be bad and permanent, but he has dealt with the pain extraordinarily. The first night was rough. And he'll have to wear the poultices for some more time. The point is, for the most part he can function. We're going to keep him here for several more days. You can visit as much as you want." I thanked him again, smiling. I walked over to Zuko. As I neared his bed, I heard the door to the hallway open behind me, which I ignored. "Good evening, Prince Zuko. How are you doing this fine day?" I noticed Zuko was looking behind me at the same time as I heard phrases coming from behind me like "official business", "needs his rest" and "unstable condition, you'll only upset him". My nephew stood up, which I'm sure the healers did not like, to face the owners of these voices. I turned around. Behind me were several men in Fire Nation uniform and one who was carrying a scroll. That man was arguing heatedly with Ghizu, who was trying and failing to keep his voice down. I eyed them suspiciously. I didn't like this.

Never one for tact or subtlety, my nephew shouted across the room "What do you want here?" in a very angry tone of voice. The man in front turned to see him and recoiled unconsciously seeing the ugly network on Zuko's face. This made Zuko stand up straighter and try to lower his voice. "I said, what do you want?" The man seemed quite disgusted, and now offended by Zuko's forthright nature. The man shot a glare at Zuko and said, unrolling the scroll, "Well, if you really want to know: 'Prince Zuko, for the shameful weakness he showed for refusal to participate in a ritual Agni Kai, has hereby, as punishment, been banished from the Fire Nation and all its domains. Prince Zuko may return only on the condition that he brings with him the Avatar, alive and captive. Effective immediately. Signed High Fire Lord Ozai, son of Azulon.' He also adds that you will be generously given a crew and a ship with which to hunt the Avatar. You will leave the Fire Nation as soon as possible." Silence. Complete and impenetrable silence. It was to silent to even think. Silence. Suddenly Ghizu, now beet red in the face with anger, said forcefully through gritted teeth "I told you that you were not welcome here! The message could have been delivered later! He is still recovering from-" "Yes, I know what he's recovering from," the man smoothly cut in, "The announcement says effective immediately." He looked straight into my nephew's face and began to walk towards him. "You will be given only however much time that you will be well enough for travel. Then you will leave. Fire Lord Ozai has banned all audience requests from now until then. That is all." He turned on his heel and left as though he had delivered a perfectly ordinary message.

Another silence fell just as heavy. I tried to understand. Banished? As in, never to see the Fire Nation again? Never to see his home or any of his family? Never to become Fire Lord? Zuko sat down on his bed with great force. He stared out the window. Ghizu. Awkwardly said "I'm, er, sorry, Prince Zuko." My nephew responded in a monotone, "Does that title even apply any more?" Not able to think of anything to say, Ghizu swept out of the room. I sat next to Zuko on the bed. "Prince Zuko, I am coming with you. I am going to sign on your crew and be your consultant. Do not tell me no because I will just follow your ship until you allow me to be part of the crew." He said nothing, just continued to stare out the window. My brother had really outdone himself this time. Scarred for life and public humiliation were not enough. He just took away everything Zuko ever knew and loved in twenty-four hours. And just to be especially cruel, my brother had given his son an impossible task. Capture the Avatar. No one had even seen him for a hundred years. Ozai was smart. Rather than sitting alone in exile, forever, Zuko now had something to do, that he would strive to do until it drove him mad and that every time he got upset at being banished, he would blame his own incompetence rather than my brother. He knew that Zuko would become obsessed, and never stop trying to capture the Avatar. And he also knew that this task was impossible.

Effective immediately. Not much notice at all. I needed Zuko as much as he now needed me. I would be joining his crew. There was no question about that. It still hadn't really sunk in. Zuko would live the rest of his days on a boat, not in a palace. He would never even officially be captain, let alone Fire Lord. I would be the only family member he'd ever see again. He would live the rest of his long life ahead of him as a dishonored outcast. A fate worse than death for certain. And all audience requests banned? So the last image of his father Zuko would ever have would be…not a pleasant one. I looked out the window to see what Zuko was staring at. I couldn't even imagine the thoughts going through his head. It was painful enough for me seeing my nephew go through all this.

Outside in the courtyard there was a beautiful willow tree with sweeping branches. It was magnificent when it flowered. It wasn't flowering now. A pond in front of it held several adult turtle ducks, and one very old mother turtle duck. I looked at the pond and tree for some time, trying to understand what had Zuko so entranced. He was staring at that spot as though nowhere else mattered. "Prince Zuko," I said in a softer, gentler voice, "I know this is hard. I will be with you so you never have to travel alone." He finally turned to me. Very slowly and very deliberately, he responded. "Thank you Uncle. I will capture the Avatar. Don't think that this is some kind of death sentence. With the Dragon of the West on my side, how can I go wrong? We will find and capture him, and bring him back. Then I can get everything back." He smiled a sickly sort of half smile.

I sighed and put my hand on his shoulder. "Nephew, this will not be as simple as that. This-" "What do you know of it! It can't be that hard to capture an old man and once I do, everything will go back to normal, you'll see! My father will welcome me back with open arms, and I'll take the throne, too! I will capture the Avatar, or I'll die trying!" He shook my hand off and stood up as his eyes reddened. "My father gave me this task because it's important and he believes in me! And I won't let him down. He knows I can capture the Avatar, so I will! And when I do, I'll bring him back and he'll give me back everything I've lost. Because my father loves me!" As he shouted that, his uncovered eye began to tear up. He grabbed his other eye, crying out in obvious pain as the unhealed features of his eyes tried to produce tears and failed. He bent down over and sat on his bed, breathing heavily and deeply. I cautiously put an arm around him as he grasped at his eye socket still covered in various wraps. His racked breathing turned into a dry kind of sob. I pulled him closer and just let his head rest on my shoulder. He choked out, "I'm sorry Uncle. I-" "It's alright. We still have several days to say goodbye." "No. That man will tell father that I was fine. We'll have to leave soon. If you're still coming…" "Of course I'm still coming," I answered, "I'll go pack your things if you want" "Thank you Uncle." He pulled away from me and laid back down on the bed. I walked to the door and, as I usually did, I looked back. He just stared up at the ceiling, lying on his back. "A man needs his rest," I commented. No response. Just dejectedly lying on his back, still in the same pants as the Agni Kai, with a disfigured face, new hair and no home. I looked away.


End file.
